While incredibly valuable if a bear is coming through the door, this response proves fatal when relationships are on the line. When people feel attacked, their flight or fight response kicks in. Unhappy couples know they need something different, but frequently don’t know what. So, how can parents truly care for their children? In marriage, children thrive when parents focus on building their own relationship. In fact, children of dysfunctional marriages suffer as much (and sometimes more) than children of dysfunctional divorce. However, simply staying married doesn’t work.
There is no better preparation for adulthood than a home founded on a strong relationship between parents which is then used to guide and direct the family. As parents create plans together, honor each other, and resolve conflicts in healthy ways–children learn by watching. Preserving the marriage, taking a non-functioning relationship and making it work is absolutely the best route to giving children both a foundation for security and all the other elements of a healthy childhood. They hear the statistics on children of divorce and believe preserving their marriage is the key to caring for their children. Many couples stay together for the sake of the children. No matter how trendy the clothes, how stellar the grades, or how overflowing the toy box if parents fail to create a healthy relationship, children don’t feel secure.įor struggling couples, this news often overwhelms. Most of life involves the quest to meet these needs, through relationships, work, and other interests.įor children, the foundation of security is their parents relationship. People possess two core needs to feel significant and to feel secure. Unhealthy marriage or unhealthy divorce? Both damage children’s security. Many, however, fail to recognize how their ongoing, unhealthy conflict harms their children. When couples struggle, the adults are keenly aware of their own pain and confusion.
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